


Try Again

by ForeverDoesntExist



Category: Thai Actor RPF, พี่ว้ากตัวร้ายกับนายปีหนึ่ง | SOTUS: The Series (TV), พี่ว้ากตัวร้ายกับนายปีหนึ่ง | SOTUS: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Real Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverDoesntExist/pseuds/ForeverDoesntExist
Summary: If you had the chance to go back, would you take it?
Relationships: Singto Prachaya Ruangroj/Krist Perawat Sangpotirat
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted on Wattpad under the same username for a KristSingto fic competition (The drabble was called One Chance), but now I decided to write a longer and modified version.
> 
> My prompt was: When a stressed Arthit went for a walk on the beach to clear his mind, he found a bottle with a message in it.
> 
> This was my take on both the prompt and a rising trope that says, "when you and your soulmate didn't have a happy ending, you are allowed to go back in time and try to fix it but without actually interfering themselves." I have [K1mheechu1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1) to thank for this amazing trope and for being an amazing beta, so any mistakes left are due to my own stubbornness.
> 
> If there are any questions about this mess please feel free to ask, I know it can get confusing. Please bear in mind that italics symbolize the future and the normal font, the present.

_“P’Sing what do you think? Tuan, are you list-”_

_“Stop it!”_

_It had been two years since they had seen each other but never had he expected to hear Singto raise his voice at him like that. Could everything that they had built over the last decade be over just like that?_

_He had been a fool. He knew that, but somehow, he couldn’t will himself to stop trying, to stop reaching for whatever there was left of their relationship._

_Krist cowered under the senior’s glare and tried to figure out how on earth had things gotten so bad._

_“Stop what, Tuan?”_

_“I don’t know how I could stand it before but stop it with the Tuan thing. It’s annoying, Khun.”_

_Krist swallowed hard and willed the tears to not fall. This was not his P’Sing._

_His P’Sing had left two years ago._

_And Krist had let him._

_***_

“When are you leaving?”

Singto stopped packing and frowned at the sprawled man on top of his bed. He knew that Krist was probably messing up the otherwise perfectly placed covers, but like always, he could not find it in himself to scold him. And by the way the younger one was comfortably rolling around while playing some game on his phone, he knew that as well.

They had talked about this before. A week ago, a month ago, even last year as they finished yet another event and Krist had asked him if he would go forward with his plans despite the world being swept upside down.

Those had been hard times, but people were healing, and slowly, things had begun to go back to normal. That meant Singto needed to move on as well.

“Next month Kit, remember?”

Krist hummed and kept his eyes on the phone screen. Singto wondered if he understood how little time that meant for them. They would be busy as always and they would probably see each other once or twice before his definite leave.

But then again, did Krist even care? Singto shook his head and chased the longing and bitterness away once again. 

Something that had not changed even after all the chaos that had taken over the world, was the fact that he was still completely in love with his friend of almost ten years. For a time, he had suspected his feelings might have been mutual but not after so long and so many ignored clues. He had run out of ways to show the younger one how much he cared for him and how he was ready to go forward with their relationship if only Krist would give them a chance and acknowledge what had always been there.

However, every attempt at having a conversation about this topic had been brushed aside or taken as a joke again and again until Singto just gave up. It was clearly not meant to be and he couldn’t wait for something to change, forever. He had taken the hint and given up completely. Or so he told himself.

Now that he thought about it, Krist’s nana had been wrong about her stories after all.

“Kit?”

Once again, the younger one answered with a quick hum from his place on the now completely messed up bed. His eyes following his character on some crazy adventure through online worlds that they had explored together during late nights and secret meetings while they escaped their managers at ungodly hours.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

As he took another jacket from his closet and tried to somehow fit it inside his already full suitcase, he could see Krist rising from the mattress and looking at him like he had lost his mind. Like he always did whenever he talked to him about the stories.

“P’Sing, you know that nobody has heard of such a thing in hundreds of years, and even if the whole destined partner thing was true…so what? They are just bedtime stories.”

“Just because nobody talks soulmates anymore doesn’t mean that they don’t exist,” Singto answered back.

Krist threw himself back into his mountain of pillows, they were obviously Singto’s, and turned on his phone again. It seemed like the conversation was once again, over and done with.

“People don’t talk about soulmates because it’s just a stupid notion that makes you doubt your own feelings, I don’t need old stories to tell me how I should feel about someone.”

Did Krist have already someone on his mind? Someone he loved and hadn’t yet pursued? Singto always assumed that at some point he would tell him about it, but perhaps he had overestimated his usefulness in terms of romantic advice. Krist would probably ask P’Off about such things. It made sense. It was not like he had any experience anyway.

“I just think it’s beautiful. To think that there’s someone out there that is destined to be with us.”

The worst part was that he had already fallen in love with the wrong person. Maybe they were destined to be platonic soulmates? Singto laughed at his own foolishness, as if he could ever live like that. He would be killing himself slowly each day just like he had done for the last eight years. They would always be brothers, but two years away from Krist would surely become his own healing time. He would move on in more ways than one.

“Will you miss me?”

Singto stared back into those forever curious eyes and with a smile, he hid his forever present pain.

“Of course not, Kit.”

***

_“What happened to your acting skills?”_

_Krist stopped in his tracks and looked back. Singto had followed him backstage; his face only betrayed annoyance, an emotion so foreign to see directed at Krist._

_“Why work with me as your director if you can’t follow my instructions?”_

_Because he wanted more time. More time for them to go back to how they were before._

_“I’m sorry Khun, I was just really tired.”_

_As Krist reached for his hand, something they had done countless times before, something that he knew would soothe his P’Sing whenever he was anxious before a performance or just nervous after a bad day._

_But Singto backed away as if burnt and Krist could not help but gasp at the unexpected reaction._

_Had he really expected anything different though?_

_They had been working together for about a year now, and things seemed to go wrong more times than not. Krist had always said that he would never find a better working partner than Singto, but right now he could not even figure what he was wanted of him from his place behind the cameras._

_His tears were never enough, his love scenes never convincing, and his singing never emotional as it should be. Encouraging words became bitter, scolding, and even mocking ones and Krist felt them as a stab through his heart every single time. Yet, he tried to do better, be better._

_Because maybe, maybe P’Sing would like him like before._

_“Please try to be professional, we’re not rookies anymore Krist.”_

_How Krist wished they still were. Because back then, Singto still cared._

**(To be continued)**


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this second part and the different perspective! Like always, remember that italics will symbolize the future in this story. Happy reading!

***

“Did you give him the dried seaweed one?”

“Yes nana, I gave him all the boxes you sent me, but seriously, do you think he’ll have space for all that food?”

Both his mother and grandmother gave him a pointed look for him to shut up and Krist wondered when exactly had Singto stopped being treated as another friend of his going on a trip, and more like a family member leaving for war.

“I talked to his father and he said it was fine, he can’t cook for himself, so we have to make sure he has something to eat once he arrives there.”

Krist could not really confirm if Singto had shoved the billion boxes inside one of his suitcases but knowing how fond he was of his mother’s cooking; he had probably bought an extra bag for them. He was still surprised that his own mother could cook such bland meals for Singto when she had always cooked the opposite kind of food for her family for more than two decades.

“Come with me.”

Without a question, Krist followed his nana thinking that she might need help to sit down, he should have scolded for standing up for so long shoving food on plastic containers. He guided her over to her favorite chair by the window, an addition to the house just for her. She insisted that she was fine on her own with her husband, but his parents had tried to slowly convince her that since their kids had all moved out, they also needed the company. So far, it had worked.

That place by the large glass window panes had become her favorite spot, his grandfather told them that she liked to look outside and reminisce about things that she could no longer remember.

It had sounded odd; how could someone think about something they could not remember in the first place? But like everything else, he had assumed it was just some sort of metaphor.

Before he could notice, she had pulled him along towards the balcony and closed the heavy doors behind them, making sure that they were as alone as they could be.

“Did you talk to him?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

It was not the first time that they had this same conversation, with the same exact outcome each time. His grandmother insisted repeatedly that her grandson was wasting time with every passing second that he shied away from his feelings. She never spoke about someone in particular, or his name, she just asked if he had made a decision.

And like always, he would tell her that he had not. That things were not as easy as she thought and that feelings did not matter in his kind of life; he was paid to pretend and not to fall in love. He was not free of the consequences and the burdens that a rash decision would bring, and he was not sure if he was ready to face the world if it came to a point where he would have to make choices.

In simpler words, he was absolutely scared about what people would think. Supportive messages online and a whole fan club cheering for him had been his source of strength since the beginning, would he be able to carry on if all of that was gone in a blink of an eye?

So no, Krist was not unsure of his feelings in the end. He was unsure of others.

“I will help you when the time comes then, but things will be so much harder.”

Always the cryptic messages. What exactly did she mean this time?

It pained to think that she might be losing some of her senses, but it was something to be expected. Krist would talk to his mother and have her keep an eye on her. Often, he wondered how his life would be without his nana in the future, and it was just too painful. She had been with him for the most part of his life, caring for him and his siblings when his parents had been unable to, his grandmother had become like a second mother to him above all else despite her odd behavior sometimes and the crazy stories from their ancestors.

“You will help me with what, nana?”

She did not answer him immediately, she just held his pale hand within her wrinkled one and smiled.

“I will help you fix it, remember that.”

***

_“Why hasn’t he come over yet?”_

_Krist almost choked on his mother’s soup at the sudden question._

_“It’s been so long since we shared a meal.”_

_He knew exactly how long it had been. He also knew exactly how things would never be the same._

_Singto barely looked at his face for longer than necessary outside work, there had not been any pleasant words shared between them since the start of the shooting, and without a contract to bind them together in order to provide fanservice, there was no reason for him to keep up the appearances._

_He had always been proud of the fact that neither of them had ever forced themselves to stand each other through the hundreds of events that they had attended together over the years and their public interactions. Besides the usual flirty remarks, their affection towards one another had never been faked, they had cared for each other as much as close brothers would._

_He had expected Singto to move on with his life as he reached for his dreams. To move on from his previous life and most importantly, from him._

_He expected things to be different, but never like this._

_Krist had been questioned by his co-stars, his manager, his friends, and now his family about what really happened between them, but he would never really talk about it, opting to tell them that Singto had been too tired and he had been the one in the wrong. He would never put Singto in a bad light and make him the bad guy in any situation._

_He would protect Singto until the end in any way that he could because Krist had already failed him in the worst way possible._

_Because he knew that Singto had cared too much at some point._

_And Krist had cared too little._

_“He’s too busy, you know that.”_

***

“So, this is goodbye.”

Singto would be lying if he said that he didn’t expect a few tears here and there, but there was just…nothing. The way Krist looked at the floor and bid him farewell nonchalantly was unnerving and Singto wished he had never loved this boy to begin with.

What exactly had he gained from all those years of pining, except misery?

He had been a fool.

But things would change, they had to. He needed to go away from this constant reminder of how he failed to be good enough for the only person he had ever loved. The only one he had been willing to give up everything for.

How he wished that nana’s stories had been true after all, that somehow fate had been kind to the both of them. Singto almost laughed at his own idiocy, in the end, he should have listened to Krist.

“You have everything?”

“Yes, thanks for the food.”

Krist shook his head and showed him his phone full of his grandmother’s messages, warning him to check if Singto had actually packed everything, “Nana was extremely worried that you wouldn’t have anything to eat once you arrived there.”

Singto wondered if Krist worried too. If he too would think of him from time to time and wonder if he was alright, in a foreign country where he did not know a single soul and barely spoke the language. Would Krist worry about how no one would pull on Singto’s hand to guide him through the crowd, whenever he got lost looking up at the sky while he tried to take the perfect picture?

To be honest, he had asked to meet Krist a couple of days before his departure for a reason, he wanted them to be alone and not surrounded by family and friends before the big departure party. Singto believed that this time they could, maybe, have an honest talk for once, but how could they, when one of them had already let go?

Singto wanted to tell him to take care of himself and to not make him worry. He wanted to tell him to eat at least three full meals per day and not lose too much sleep over video games, especially before a schedule, and to please send him updates about Muffin and even about that other little demon of his.

He wanted to tell him a lot of things.

But Krist had already decided for the both of them like he had always done.

“Take care P’Sing.”

***

_“Can you stop asking about him?”_

_She knew that his tone meant that he truly did not wish to talk about this matter further, she knew it would be pointless to keep trying to make him tell her the truth._

_However, she also knew that something was awfully wrong between her son and the boy that she had learned to love as her own. It pained her to see them like this, Krist had not been the same ever since Singto came back, and she wished they could both just sit and talk about whatever was wrong._

_Those two boys had been so close for so long that she had forgotten about the possibility of them ever being apart and at odds like this. She missed Singto dearly, but the look of pain that crossed her son’s feature every time she mentioned his name had become too much to bear._

_Every time he came home from a week full of work, Krist would look more and more worn out. It was only a matter of time before he collapsed._

_They had all seen the news: fan clubs fighting each other to know why their idols were no longer close like before, why Krist seemed afraid to even touch Singto’s shoulder on accident, and why everything seemed forced and painful to watch. Some blamed Krist, some blamed distance but Krist never let them blame Singto._

_Her mother seemed to not be worried at all, which was odd for someone who had seemed to love that boy as well. She had asked about her opinion once and all she had said was that Krist needed to make the right decision again because fate will be kind to them, she was just waiting for him to realize it._

_That had been the last time she had tried to talk about this with someone else besides her son, who was now letting his tears fall freely down his cheeks as he stroke Muffin’s soft fur. Apparently, he had stopped caring about his allergies and pampered her with as much love as he used to pamper the energetic Pluto._

_She still remembers how Krist had been excited to get the ball of fur as soon as possible, so he could show her off to Singto at the end of his schedule. Singto had been instantly attached and even threatened to take her for himself. She had asked Krist why not just give her to Singto as a gift, his answer had been simple: “Then he will have one less reason to drop by my condo.”_

_So now, she had no idea how he could help both boys as she watched them grow further apart. It did not matter who was in the wrong or not, they just needed to talk and rekindle whatever was left of their friendship._

_“It’s all my fault.”_

_Krist hugged the now restless small cat close to his chest as his sobs became more evident, perhaps it was best if she took the poor creature away from him. The memories that she evoked were not her fault. Krist seemed to wake up from his frenzy and she could no longer stop herself from throwing her arms around her son and pull him close just like she had done a million times before when he was a child._

_He rarely let his walls down now, and to see him break down like this worried her to no end. She could only hope that their love for each other, of whatever kind, would be enough,_

_Could fate really be kind to them?_

**(To be continued)**


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, remember that italics will symbolize the future in this story. Happy reading! And if you have any questions let me know!

***

The waves helped calm his mind sure, but they also reminded him of some of his best and worst memories. How many photoshoots had they shot at this very beach? Too many to count.

How many times had they wandered around, searching for "lost" messages inside the glass bottles spread around the sand? Because what seemed like simple human waste to Krist was apparently something fascinating for Singto. Krist later found out that his obsession with the bottles was due to some movie about a couple's tragic love story found in one of them.

Always a romantic.

It made sense since he listened with raptured attention when Krist shared his nana's tales about destined partners, missed chances, and how life always favored soulmates, giving them a chance to fix past mistakes once in a lifetime if their love was true.

He wondered if Singto had ever compared their own situation to those in the stories and asked himself why was he wasting time on Krist. If he believed in that soulmate bullshit, then why was he stopping himself from being truly happy with someone that actually deserved him?

Someone that loved him the way Krist could not.

He wasn't blind, obviously his senior had feelings for him, for quite some time as far as he knew. Krist had known the exact moment when things had changed because the way Singto now looked at him like a lovesick fool was the exact way Krist looked back at him.

Had Krist ever let them talk about it? No, he hadn't.

His phone kept ringing, warning him of incoming texts and calls. Just like it had been for the last two hours. His decision had been made, he just hoped he would not regret it later.

***

_"Congratulations!" P'Tha excitedly congratulated them both amidst the sea of people flocking around them with flowers bouquets on their hands and kind words spilling left and right._

_For a moment Krist forgot the painful reality and imagined that this was just another day with both of them promoting an event or some random brand, a project that had gone well, or an award ceremony. A day when Singto was happy to stand by his side and not ready to run as far as he could as soon as their superiors finished the customary greeting and congratulations._

_He could barely remember how those days felt like._

_Krist had tried to joke about the decoration, the guest's clothes, and even about Muffin's recent obsession with sleeping on top of his drum set. He managed to get a few distracted nods and hums but not once had Singto even spared him a glance._

_"The power couple is back!" Off seemed completely clueless at the tension between the two and for once Krist thanked the heavens for his friend's nosy and extroverted self._

_"P'Off I need a drink, maybe two. Show me where the good stuff is."_

_Krist almost laughed at his own misery when Singto took the first opportunity to get away from him, even if it involved something he absolutely loathed._

_"Oh, Kit come too, I know just the right-"_

_"Don't worry about him, P' he enjoys the peace and quiet, don't you Kit?" Singto lovingly patted his shoulder but his cold eyes betrayed the real meaning of the action._

_He still hadn't forgotten that night._

_"Yes P'Sing, you two go ahead and enjoy."_

_Singto barely spared him a glance as he turned his back on him and made his way towards the bar, the fact that he had stuck to the old affectionate nicknames to hurt him, only made it harder for him to keep his imminent tears at bay._

_Thankfully, Tay had seen it all, he pulled Krist close to him and guided him back to a table, his arm around his waist a very welcome form of support. He had never thought that Tay and he could become closer, but after Singto left they had somehow found comfort in each other. One had lost a chance to be happy and waited for that chance to come back while the other nursed a broken heart after a confession gone wrong._

_Selfishly, Krist wished that had been his case as well so he could finally move on, just like Tay had. Because, t_ _hree years later and he still wondered how could someone have everything he had wisher for and be so miserable at the same time._

_"Krist, we've been over this. You need to let it go."_

_He had tried, God he really had._

_"How has that worked out for you?"_

_Krist knew he was being unfair, Tay had only tried to help. He had been nothing short of supportive ever since Singto had come back and decided to make his life a living hell every time they needed to be in the same room._

_"I'm going to ignore what you just said because I know you didn't mean it. But, think about it, it's almost over. You only need to hold yourself together for a few more promo events and it's over."_

_And then they won't have to work together again. Or at least that was what he told himself at the end of the day._

_He knew that he was only fooling himself, it was a matter of time till their paths crossed again and they would get stuck working together once more. Would Singto make him finally crack and ask the company to separate them? What would happen exactly? Would the company be forced to choose? Who would they choose?_

_Would he be considered problematic and not get cast anymore due to conflicts with the crew?_

_Krist couldn't really imagine his life getting worse than it already was but at least he still had the job that he loved and his fans' support. And in the end, how could he blame Singto._

_When all of this was his own fault?_

_***_

The sky had turned completely dark but Krist found himself sitting by some green covered rocks that, once again, reminded him of his pathetic attempts at climbing and how Singto had held onto him the entire time. He had never let any harm come to him, and that included protecting him from himself and his stupidity.

The more he told himself that his decision was final he couldn't help but think of the what-ifs.

What if he told Singto that he could wait for him, that maybe they could try for a long-distance relationship just like their characters had done once and when he came back things would be different. He cursed the way their lives kept turning out more and more like those damn character's stories.

But real life was not as forgiving as fiction and what if they end up hating each other after unsolved disagreements and unsaid words. Krist was used to small fights with his senior but he always trusted that his best pout and cuddle attacks would make it better within hours. How could they make it work once thousands of miles separated them?

They might be just as close off-screen as on-screen, but they were total opposites in reality. Would a real relationship, where efforts were needed and things couldn't be left unsaid after the spotlights were turned off, last?

Could Krist really promise him a future when he came back when he himself didn't know what he wanted?

In his pocket, his phone rang again. This time Krist opened the unread messages, and without the courage to face the unknown, he locked his phone again and let himself fall against the cold sand underneath. Sleep came and for a moment, the pain stopped.

***

_"I can't take this anymore."_

_Krist fell on his knees before her chair, his head on her lap just like he had done so many times before. She hadn't asked any questions, and even though she knew it all had been her grandson's own fault, Kiara didn't try to chastise him in any way._

_How could she, when she had been through the exact same thing?_

_"It's only going to get worse."_

_The child that she had loved as her own for so many years no longer looked like the spirited boy that would cling to her skirts and beg for attention, while mischievously planning something behind her back. This child looked broken and old beyond his years._

_Kiara knew how rough this past year had been for him, yet she had warned him hadn't she?_

_"I can't live like this."_

_She threaded her fingers through soft black tresses and for a moment she wished she had could bear the pain for him. It wasn't fair, but it was what Krist had chosen for himself._

_"What if you could go back?"_

_The sobs stopped and Krist finally faced her, his eyes still in denial and his face disbelieving as always._

_It was time._

_"You have one chance, but you need to be brave enough this time."_

**(To be continued)**


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will the final one! We are almost done yay!
> 
> Like always, remember that italics will symbolize the future in this story. Happy reading! And if you have any questions let me know!

***

Singto looked at his phone for the thousand time that morning.

But like the day before, the messages still hadn't been answered. The empty inbox still staring at him as if mocking him about his own failure. He had only wanted some closure.

To know if he wasn't alone in his feelings or if he was, at least they could have talked things out and end their almost ten-years-long chasing game. He was tired.

He had promised himself that when he came back to Thailand, things would be different. He would either turn a new page or come back into the arms of the man that he had loved for so long. Singto had prayed that it would be the latter option that would come pass.

His denied calls and unanswered messages, however, told him the exact opposite. Krist was not interested in talking to him or even saying goodbye. Singto had waited for hours by his apartment door and he had never shown up, no matter how much he had begged him through his voice-mail or texts. The messages had turned from pending to read as the hours passed and yet, he had refused to see the truth.

That it was time for him to forget.

Forget about a painful love and a time where he imagined that they had cared about each other at all.

Singto could hear the boarding calls from a distance, all of his friends and family had come to see him off. Nobody seemed ready to let him go, P'Jane and his motherly advice, his dad trying to hide his tears, his ex-co-workers that had become like a second family, all put up a brave front and sent him on his way with a smile and a promise to wait for him while he discovered a new world in those two years.

When he saw P'Yui standing there, he almost let his self-control slip and asked her where _he_ was. But that would probably get him an answer that would hurt even more. She might not have been responsible for him through all the years they had worked together the way she had been for Krist, but she still treated him as one of her own children and one look between them was enough.

She shook her head at his silent question.

_Where is he?_

_He's not coming._

Singto smiled and brought her into a warm hug that would be forever engraved in his mind. She had been to him, a mother figure that had been missing in his life. And in his ear, he could hear her softly whisper:

"Go. Be happy."

And that was exactly what Singto planned on doing.

***

_"You have one chance, but you need to be brave enough this time."_

_His nana had said._

_Did that maybe he should go and try again? Perhaps he hadn't done enough. Krist had been focused on his pain and hidden behind this wall of regret without actually thinking of a way to fix things._

_He let himself be mistreated and ignored in order to lessen his feeling of guilt. But in the end, that had led him nowhere._

_Singto didn't want to speak to him? That was fine. He would find a way._

_That's how he found himself in the middle of a very well-known restaurant, dressed impeccably, surrounded by people that had instantly recognized him as soon as he stepped foot inside._

_And that was just perfect._

_In no time, Singto would show up at his table, expecting to meet Tay Tawan but he would be faced with Krist instead. He would loudly greet him and ask him to have dinner with him and Singto would not be able to refuse without making a show and getting himself on the front cover of gossip magazines the next day._

_If there was something Krist could count on, it was Singto's professionalism._

_"You have to be kidding me."_

_As expected, Singto was not impressed as he realized he had been played. And before he had the chance to turn away and flee, Krist grabbed his wrist and threw his arms around him just like they used to do before a particular demanding performance. He could already hear the squeals and camera shutters going off as Singto stood perfectly still in his arms._

_"We're going to have dinner, and you will hear me out. Promise me this night and I'll promise you that you won't have to listen to my voice again."_

_Singto seemed to gain back his senses and pushing him away as if wanting to see his face that had been buried on his neck, he smiled and he caressed Krist's cheek._

_"If that's what it takes, fine."_

_They both let go of each other, aware of the eyes on them, and even laughed as the waiter asked for a signature on her phone case discreetly._

_"I ordered for both of us."_

_Singto hummed and looked at the typically western food on his plate with a confused expression. Krist knew how much he loved simple dishes, and even though he might have taken a risk, it seemed like some things hadn't changed._

_"Start talking, I don't have much time."_

_Krist forced himself to return to reality as he started eating, his gestures casual and his voice low enough so that the nearest table couldn't hear him._

_"I'm sorry for the way I acted before you left. I regret it more than anything."_

_Singto snorted and smiled at him behind his glass of wine. To everyone else, it seemed like a fun conversation between colleagues that had simply missed each other, dearly._

_"That's nice. Are you done?"_

_"P'Sing, I was afraid and scared of what would have happened, but now I know that I still lo-"_

_The older man suddenly slammed his glass on the tabletop and even the waiters seemed to stop what they were doing. Singto showed everyone his brightest smile again and apologized for letting his cup slip like that._

_"No, you were selfish, you decided to ignore and play with my feelings for years, and when I finally wanted to talk about it, before I had to leave the fucking country you thought that hiding from me was the best choice you had! I don't care that you were scared, I don't care that you were afraid of the consequences, if you had just talked to me about it then we would have found a way!"_

_There it was. The explosion that Krist had waited for, for so long. Singto hadn't just forgotten everything like magic, he had been and still was incredibly hurt. He was still holding what happened inside of him and hadn't moved on as he had claimed to do, he had let it fester till it consumed him._   
  
_"I spent two years of my life thinking that the man I had wasted my best years on didn't give two shits about me after all. That everything we had shared meant nothing to him, that I wasn't even worth a fucking goodbye or explanation. I wanted to disappear, Kit. I wanted to just make the pain stop."_

_"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I wish I could go back and do it all over again, I swear that I would have done things differently."_

_Krist wasn't sure what he was begging for, but he knew that he just couldn't let Singto out of his life again without understanding how sorry he was for the pain he had caused him._

_"You know what, Kit? I wish for that too. But things just don't go back because we want them to, no matter how hard we wish for it."_

_"P'Sing, I-"_

_"Let's end it here. They already got enough pics to last them for a year, so I guess we don't need to see each other so soon after this."_

_Singto rose from his seat and the fans squealed, waiting for another interaction from them, perhaps another hug to feed their illusion, while Krist tried his best to just hold in the tears and not just throw himself into the floor and beg for Singto's forgiveness._

_He had been too confident. Too hopeful._

_"Goodbye Kit, thank you for the dinner._

***

Singto looked around him. Not a single familiar face, not a single known smell or view.

He couldn't recognize the buildings, the old lady from the corner shop that sold him the best-grilled pork was not there anymore. The kids selling flowers weren't bugging old people as they took their evening stroll.

There wasn't a car waiting for him at the exit, no fans screaming outside. Nobody asked him if he needed anything or if he needed his herbal inhalers.

There weren't pictures to sign or selfies to take.

As he finally found a cab that would take him to his new home, he looked behind him at the sea of people busily leaving the airports and going on with their lives, and for the first time since he had made a decision, he wondered what exactly was he doing.

Was this what he needed? 

Singto didn't know, but as he finally got inside the unfamiliar car with the unknown driver, after asking him to take the longest route, he let himself finally cry over what he had left behind.

Would he ever get it back?

***

_"Did you try?"_

_It had been months since he had last seen her. And Krist's answer had been a vague, "I think I did."_

_Nana had sighed and patted his shoulder, a sympathetic gesture that for once didn't bring any comfort._

_"Then it must not meant to be."_

_Looking at the waves that used to calm his mind before, he wondered if she was right. What was done was done. He had tried everything he could, and things would still not go back to what they used to be._

_Why should he keep hurting himself like that?_

_But still, he imagined how he would change things if he could go back in time and do it all over again. He imagined himself at this very beach almost three years ago and taking a very different decision._

_Krist even pictured himself driving everyone mad while he was stuck waiting for Singto to come back for two long years. How he would welcome him once he stepped foot in Thailand and kiss him senseless till they couldn't breathe._

_It was nothing but a fantasy. A painful one, but then again, it was something that kept him from drowning. Lying down on the cold sand, he closed his eyes and waited._

_He didn't dream, but a second chance did come after all._

**(To be continued)**


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! We've made it! This shall be the last part of this story and the end of our babies' suffering. In case you think there's a mistake and some part of this chapter sounds like a repetition from chapter III or a mistake, nope! It's all supposed to be like that. I think you'll understand why :P
> 
> Since the future will meet the past/present, the future we were used to won't come to pass. In the end, we'll see what happens to their new future.
> 
> Like always, if you have any questions please do ask.

_  
***_

_He could see him, walking alone in the sand._

_He could see the tears and if he tried to remember hard enough, he could still feel them on his own face._

_Because that man had been him, a long time ago. Suddenly everything made sense, he knew that this was the second chance he had begged for so long, this was his chance to make it right._

_As his past kept walking around, he knew that the clock was ticking, his phone had already unanswered messages piling up from the one person he couldn't afford to lose again._

_But how? He couldn't just talk to himself, that would make them both lose precious time and there was no time left, quite literally._

_Krist searched his pockets for something, maybe his phone? Could he send a text to himself? All he found was a pen that he had needed before to sign some posters for fans and tissues._

_That would do._

_He scribbled something on a tissue and before the younger man reached the familiar place by the rocks where he would fall asleep till it was too late, Krist tried to find a safe place to leave the frail piece of paper. One gust of wind and it would fly right into the ocean._

_Just next to the place where he had woken up, he could spot a glass bottle left behind in the sand. How long had it been since the last time that he and P'Sing had wandered alone in this beach searching for secret love stories inside those?_

_Perhaps it was time to change their own story with one._

_Krist put the paper inside and then, he prayed._

***

The sky had gone completely dark but Krist found himself sitting by some green covered rocks that, once again, reminded him of his pathetic attempts at climbing and how Singto had held onto him the entire time. He would never let any harm come to him, and that included protecting him from himself.

The more he told himself that his decision was final he couldn't help but think of the what-ifs.

What if he told Singto that he could wait for him, that maybe they could try for a long-distance relationship just like their characters had done once. He cursed the way their lives kept turning out more and more like those damn character's story.

But real life was not as forgiving as fiction and what if they end up hating each other after unsolved disagreements and unsaid words. Krist was used to small fights with his senior but he always trusted that his best pout and cuddle attacks would make it better within hours. How could they make it work once thousands of miles separated them?

They might be just as close off-screen as on-screen, but they were total opposites in reality. Would a real relationship, where efforts were needed and things couldn't be left unsaid after the spotlights were turned off, last?

In his pocket, his phone rang again. This time Krist opened the unread messages, and without the courage to face the unknown, he locked his phone again and let himself fall against the cold sand underneath. Mindlessly, he ran his fingers through the soft sand beneath him as he let the tears free, suddenly he felt something round under his fingertips. A bottle?

Inside, however, he didn't find the expected hollowness.

He couldn't wait to tell P'Sing that he had found an actual message in a bottle.

The small paper didn't tell him a whole tragic love story, only a few written words in some very familiar handwriting.

**_Be brave when I couldn't_ **

It wasn't what he had anticipated but, maybe that person was right. What if sometimes, you only got one chance? This really sounded like a bad joke from the universe, but one thing was for sure: he couldn't live with the uncertainty of the what-ifs.

In his pocket, his phone rang again. This time Krist opened the unread messages, and finding the courage within himself, he took a leap.

***

_Krist rolled over to the empty side of the bed but collided with a hard chest instead. His hazy mind reminded him that he had company. Almost automatically, the person next to him pulled him back and he could only hide his face on a familiar neck, smirking as his hair probably tickled the man's face._

_"Kit, go back to sleep, it's way too early."_

_Of course, Singto had stayed over every night since he had come back to Thailand. How could he forget? Especially after last night, when they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other until both had been sated. The long-distance thing hadn't been easy, but it had definitely been worth it in the end._

_It had been only a week since his boyfriends' arrival, yet they had already established a routine. Neither would waste any more time apart than necessary and as far as they were concerned, they would never have to again._ _Singto had been offered a job as soon as he has stepped foot in the country as an Assistant Director, a position that promised him knowledge and experience in this new perspective of his old occupation._ _  
_

_Krist had obviously auditioned for the main part before Singto had even bought his plane ticket, begging every staff to just tell him which project would be offered to Singto upon his arrival. P'Yui hadn't been amused but had given in like always, everyone at the company doubted the success of the project if the two turned out to be as insufferable in person as they were on their video calls that many had witnessed during working hours._

_He paid them no mind, he had missed his boyfriend every hour of the day and he hadn't been ashamed to admit it or to let everyone in the building know it._

_But it was all over now. His P'Sing was back and he would never leave again._

_Krist didn't know if Singto was even awake by now but still, he tried to remember why he had woken up so early. Try as he might, he couldn't exactly recall what the awful dream had been about, however, he still remembered the distinct sense of loss and despair. He could feel it still in his bones as if it was more of a memory than imagination._

_"It was just a nightmare." He whispered into the warm skin under his lips. He would forget all about it in a few hours like it always happened whenever he had a bad dream._

_As if sensing his slight trembling, he felt strong arms tighten their hold around him and pull him even closer._

_"It's okay Kit. It wasn't real, love."_

**The end**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm including Krist's grandma because she seems to be really important to him as we see on social media :)


End file.
